About four years ago, after leaving my “dream city” and “dream job”, I moved across the country on my own for a second time. I had spent so many years trying to be anything but an artist, hoping to find fulfillment and approval in everything from childcare to botany. But my circumstances were forcing me to get honest with what my dreams actually were, and do something about it. Although I’m proud of my work, and I’m fortunate to have landed in an area with so many opportunities for artists, I still find myself paralyzed from creating my own artwork quite often. This piece was created out of a rare moment of clarity, when I could witness just how much I get in my own way. 

When verbal processing runs its course and social interactions wear me out, I turn to the canvas. I love experimenting with color and composition, trying to express my personal turmoils & joys through the smudges, smears & carefully planned details. I’m currently experimenting with the idea of “life cycle” - how every living thing has a beginning, growth, decay, and an end, except art. I was taught in school to make my artwork “archivally sound,” but how could I truly mirror my own experience through art that does not change and decay, as I do? With this in mind, I layer media and found objects to intentionally create non-archival pieces, in the hopes that they will go through a life cycle of their own. 

I’m usually hesitant to show my artwork to anyone but a few close friends. Instead, I spend my days educating others on expression, intention, & play as an art teacher. But after recent life changes, I have come to face the fact that I am often still in my own way as an artist. My hope is that in sharing this piece, I can remind myself and the folks who see it that sometimes we have much more support than we can even imagine, sometimes we need to show up for ourselves, and that the whole world can open up before us if we can let ourselves have it all.